Money's tight. I've been a broke college student before, but never when I had Real bills to pay. We've been in worse situations though.. I try to keep reminding myself of that. It's been way worse.
Our fridge broke. My boys say they can fix it.. they say they can fix anything. They're pretty good at fixing things, but I'm still freaked out about not being able to buy milk or eggs or anything else that needs to go into the refrigerator. My new-old car needs a new-old part that no-one seems to have. Because we signed a six-month contract, we're still having to pay for the new-old television that broke while we were renting it. The six months are up, but our last bill is still due. That bill became low priority after a long round of "It's your problem.. I mean, yes we'll fix it no we won't yes we will okay pay us a lot of money and no we won't." We were actually supposed to go take care of that today - pay the last bill and give them back their stupid gigantic tv that's too big for our living room anyway but the Man likes his big tv so we'll probably end up with another stupid gigantic tv one of these days anyway. So, we were supposed to do that today, but there were some last-minute plan changes. I don't do well with last-minute plan changes. They make me remember everything else that there is to worry about. Like the fridge. And finals. (Because I'm so likely to forget about those things if I pay a bill I don't even want to pay.)
So I'm trying to think of things that make me un-stressed. That's not easy because I'm in a foul stormy mood today, the stubborn kind that means that even when Eric is being patient and adorable, I'm not going to give him more than a half-smile because I'm busy being sulky. The kind of mood that must necessarily go away by the end of the day because if it doesn't, he'll stop trying to make me smile. That's the first thing on my nice list today. He tries really hard to make me smile. All the time. Even when I think I don't want to smile.
He's out trying to find the elusive part for my car right now (which was not on our list of things to-do to-day and is a part of the last-minute plan changes). Even I in my grouchyness have to admit that at least he's not still in bed and he's doing a pretty good job of managing stuff. Even if I think I'm a better manager of stuff. Because I make lists. Lists are comforting. That's #2.
Also. When I look out any of the windows I can see from my seat right now, all I see is green. Well, green or porch. But the big window in the living room? Dappled light, pretty shadows. A big tree with big leaves, grass that desperately needs to be cut.. but you can't really tell about the grass from that window because of the sheers. We can't see the neighbors from any of our windows. Only our peaceful little corner of the world. That's #3.
Our puppy Casper loves the overgrown yard. He has to 'swim' through the big patches of clover. He thinks that eating wildflowers is the coolest. thing. ever. Next to the game where Mommy sweeps and Puppy chases all the stuff that goes flying across the room.. that one's pretty awesome too. My puppy is #4, but the list isn't really in order. Sometimes Casper is #1. He won't look like a puppy much longer.. his body is filling out and he's growing into his legs.. but I think he'll act like a puppy for awhile yet. Today Eric pretended to hit my foot and I pretended to cry to see what Casper would do. He looked confused about what he was supposed to do and he licked my face. The cat wasn't so passive.. she jumped down from her perch in the window and stalked across the room as if she intended to put an end to this nonsense RIGHT. NOW. My little guard Boo.
She and Casper are starting to be sort-of friends. Frenemies? Nevermind, I hate that word. A few days ago, they played for hours chasing each other around the house. Last night for the first time, Boo slept on the blanket where Casper was sleeping. I don't think she'll start sleeping beside him all the time - right now she's in her normal place on the back of a chair looking out of the window. She's #5 on my list but she's tied right there with Casper. She won't be a kitten much longer, either, but she's the sweetest kitten I've ever had. I still can't believe she came home after she ran away for five whole days after we'd only had her for a week. HER favorite game is watching the toilet fill up with water after one of the People flushes it for her. Because obviously anytime one of us flushes the toilet, it's just so Kitty can watch it fill back up. Obviously.
I have a lot to be happy about. I have a lot to worry about.. writing this was a long exercise in procrastination. But now I have a List of Things That (Should) Make Me Happy Today. I have to follow the List; it's an imperative. And so.. I go.
He's out trying to find the elusive part for my car right now (which was not on our list of things to-do to-day and is a part of the last-minute plan changes). Even I in my grouchyness have to admit that at least he's not still in bed and he's doing a pretty good job of managing stuff. Even if I think I'm a better manager of stuff. Because I make lists. Lists are comforting. That's #2.
Also. When I look out any of the windows I can see from my seat right now, all I see is green. Well, green or porch. But the big window in the living room? Dappled light, pretty shadows. A big tree with big leaves, grass that desperately needs to be cut.. but you can't really tell about the grass from that window because of the sheers. We can't see the neighbors from any of our windows. Only our peaceful little corner of the world. That's #3.
Our puppy Casper loves the overgrown yard. He has to 'swim' through the big patches of clover. He thinks that eating wildflowers is the coolest. thing. ever. Next to the game where Mommy sweeps and Puppy chases all the stuff that goes flying across the room.. that one's pretty awesome too. My puppy is #4, but the list isn't really in order. Sometimes Casper is #1. He won't look like a puppy much longer.. his body is filling out and he's growing into his legs.. but I think he'll act like a puppy for awhile yet. Today Eric pretended to hit my foot and I pretended to cry to see what Casper would do. He looked confused about what he was supposed to do and he licked my face. The cat wasn't so passive.. she jumped down from her perch in the window and stalked across the room as if she intended to put an end to this nonsense RIGHT. NOW. My little guard Boo.
She and Casper are starting to be sort-of friends. Frenemies? Nevermind, I hate that word. A few days ago, they played for hours chasing each other around the house. Last night for the first time, Boo slept on the blanket where Casper was sleeping. I don't think she'll start sleeping beside him all the time - right now she's in her normal place on the back of a chair looking out of the window. She's #5 on my list but she's tied right there with Casper. She won't be a kitten much longer, either, but she's the sweetest kitten I've ever had. I still can't believe she came home after she ran away for five whole days after we'd only had her for a week. HER favorite game is watching the toilet fill up with water after one of the People flushes it for her. Because obviously anytime one of us flushes the toilet, it's just so Kitty can watch it fill back up. Obviously.
I have a lot to be happy about. I have a lot to worry about.. writing this was a long exercise in procrastination. But now I have a List of Things That (Should) Make Me Happy Today. I have to follow the List; it's an imperative. And so.. I go.
